The Water Diviner (2014)

The Water Diviner to me can only be described as this year's "Inside Llewyn Davis". This movie was absolutely terrible and it makes films like "Into The Woods" and "Big Hero 6" both of which I really hated look like masterpieces; honestly this movie is about as good as a pile of cowpat... IT STINKS! Firstly I didn't care about any of the characters including Joshua Connor (played by Russell Crowe); he was a really boring and uninteresting character, and I didn't care about his story. He is out on a mission to get his children's remains and this is a story in which you are supposed to get engaged in, and follow Joshua along to get their remains back to his homeland. But due to the poor acting and dull characterisation you unfortunately don't care about what he is setting out to do and that makes the movie lose points. Even worse though he has to make his way off to Istanbul where he meets a plot device (I don't even class this kid as a character; HE IS CLEARLY THERE TO DRIVE THE STORY FORWARD!) named "Orhan" who drags Joshua to this hotel where he stays over the next few days. Meanwhile Orhan's mother named "Ayshe" dislikes Joshua due to the fact that he's Australian; however the film makes it obvious that they are going to form a relationship by the end. This really makes me angry because firstly I now have to put up with 3 boring and uninteresting characters, and secondly I clearly don't understand why they end up forming a relationship because Ayshe really hits on Joshua throughout the entire film including being an absolute racist towards him AS WELL AS CONSTANTLY HAVING A GO AT HIM AND YET HE WANTS TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! AT THIS POINT I WAS JUST THINKING "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY DUMB AND STUPID; SHE IS BEING ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE TOWARDS JOSHUA YET HE WANTS TO COMMIT TO HER... AFTER EVERYTHING SHE DONE TO HIM HE STILL WANTS TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY REPUGNANT RUSSELL; WHY ARE YOU CREATING SOMETHING DUMB LIKE THIS, THIS IS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE! ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT LIKE I SAID BEFORE I DON'T CARE ABOUT JOSHUA... SO I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM NOW ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE SEEMS TOO BLINDED TO SEE HER HORRIBLE NATURE! I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T HANG AROUND AYSHE IF SHE TREATED ME LIKE THAT SO WHY CAN'T YOU THINK LIKE THAT! ABSOLUTELY STUPID; THIS MOVIE IS STUPID!!!". Secondly EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE IS ABSOLUTELY STUPID ALSO! Like the fact that Ayshe uses a cup of coffee to tell her who she is meant to have a relationship with, and wouldn't you know it... IT'S JOSHUA! Do you know what if there is anything that I have learnt from watching this work of fart it's that you shouldn't underestimate the almighty power of a cup of coffee. With all the caffeine and sugar combined it creates an unstoppable force which can tell you you're fate. You know what after watching this movie I'll never look at a cup of coffee the same way ever again; next time I see a cup of coffee going cold it'll be my duty to heat it back up... because a cup of coffee should be treated with respect. THIS IS HOW STUPID THE WATER DIVINER IS! I WOULD SAY THAT YOU SHOULD SEE THIS MOVIE SO THAT I CAN SHOW YOU HOW DUMB THIS MOVIE IS, BUT THEN YOU WOULD HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE I DID AND I DON'T WANT YOU GUYS GOING THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH BACK IN APRIL! A few other stupid things include cliched moments and plot threads including the fact that the person who ends up falling in love with Joshua hates him at first (like I've never seen that in a movie before). WHY DOES THIS MOVIE EXIST?! Thirdly there is absolutely no surprise that I was completely bored during my torture of watching this mess. This movie really dragged on; it is 111 minutes long but it felt like 150 minutes. On top of this montage of boredom you have uninteresting characters and stupid segments inflicting pain upon you; boredom and pain combined is not a great mixture AT ALL! Fourth, there is one thing in this movie that does save the movie from getting a 0 out of 10 (which Inside Llewyn Davis did achieve a 0 out of 10) and that is there is an emotional scene towards the end of the film which really pulled on my heart strings; but then yet again it's only a short segment and it doesn't save the film from being a complete pile of trash, and despite the fact that it did pull on my heart strings... I DIDN'T CRY! so this makes this positive only a minor factor; which means that this movie is completely not worth sitting through just so you can see that scene. If you want to watch this scene then do yourself a favor and WATCH THE SCENE ANOTHER WAY WITHOUT WATCHING THE TRASH THAT IT'S LOCATED IN! Finally and most importantly... DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE; SPARE YOUR SOUL! The Water Diviner is proof that Russell Crowe (despite the fact that he has done good films) can carve an absolute slice of turkey when he wants to, and it's proof that Russell Crowe should NOT be sitting in the director's seat. This movie contains poor acting, on top of poor direction, on top of uninteresting characters, on top of stupid segments, on top of slow pacing, and on top of an emotional scene THAT DOESN'T REALLY WORK! It's garbage, on top of garbage, on top of garbage, on top of garbage, ON TOP OF GARBAGE! and as a result of that you get A MESSY GARBAGE HEAP WHICH NEEDS A MAJOR CLEAN UP! THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST FILM I'VE SEEN IN 2015 SO FAR AND IT GETS A 0.5 OUT OF 10 FROM ME! now if you excuse me I need to go and calm down. such a horrible movie this is... absolutely HORRIBLE!!!