Once (2006)

I have never seen a film so utterly forgettable, mind-numbingly bland and aggressively dreary as “Once.” This independent Irish musical drama is a meandering, dull and drab affair filled with tedious characters and featuring a storyline that leaves no impression. “Once” is a plume of smoke of a film, it drifts in front of you before vanishing without leaving any trace. I can’t say I hated “Once” as the movie didn’t fill me with a single emotion (aside from weariness), but I have nothing nice to say about this mediocre grey speck of a picture!

The cast in “Once” do an okay job of playing some of the most uninspiring characters I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. Glen Hansard as the protagonist Guy is fine I guess, he screeches during the singing sequences and mumbles the word “cool” in every single dialogue scene, but as the script gives Hansard next to nothing interesting to do, I don’t blame him for this dismal attempt of a character. Markéta Irglová suffers the same fate, whilst she is admittedly a much better singer than Hansard, her character is so unexciting and insipid that I can’t gauge whether her performance was good or not.

The plot (or lack thereof) in “Once” is what killed this film in my eyes. I believe that any good film, whether it be a billion-dollar blockbuster or a low-budget indie hit, should tell an engaging story and take its audience on a journey. We watch characters grow, overcome obstacles and ultimately reach a satisfying conclusion that makes their entire arc worth watching.

However, “Once” clearly thinks that these tried and tested ideas are nonsense. This film instead takes us on a journey with no satisfying conclusion, with characters that we don’t care about and arcs that don’t make us feel anything. We watch the central musicians ramble and mope from one drab scene to another, but just when you think something will finally happen in this awful movie, it abruptly ends.

The story doesn’t seem to have a clear end goal, is it about Guy becoming a professional singer or about him and Girl becoming a couple and caring for Girl’s mother and daughter? Well apparently it’s about neither as the movie shoots down both ideas in favour of wrapping-up both plot lines in the most brusque and curt ways imaginable.

Visually, “Once” is nothing to write home about. It seems to have cost about 10 euros to produce, giving it the unflattering look of both a bad student film, and a third-rate Channel 5 documentary about two average people that have hum-drum lives and aren’t that noteworthy.

In summary, “Once” is the epitome of boredom. It’s a film that got so lost up its own behind with its “naturalistic” aesthetic and “realistic” characters that it completely forgot to tell a compelling story. The characters are weakly written, the narrative is predictable enough that even a toddler could work out what was going to happen next and the unceremonious ending is so offhand that it makes you question why anyone would bother to make such an aimless and unambitious film.

Don’t watch it, “Once” is utter drivel.